Sometimes I feel emotionally dead. I’m surrounded by smiles, hyper attitudes, kisses on the cheek, and super tight hugs and I don’t feel like being a part of that. I’m not clinically depressed, if that’s where your thoughts are headed. I know that I can be a very quiet person because I feel that what I got to say is irrelevant to most–guess I can blame that way of thinking on the childhood bullying.
Imagine a table of friends, laughing and being silly, and there I am seated there with a blank (or sometimes bored) stare on my face. Sometimes I falsely my laughter just so people won’t ask me questions about my mood.
Now here’s the confusing part: I’m skipping and shitting rainbows in my mind all the time! I swear I’m so happy with where I am in life. How come my face can’t interpret that?!
The hard part is stop being self-concious–that’s the other reason why I’m so quiet. They may imitate my “preppy” & proper voice, call what i got to say ‘stupid’, not laugh at my joke; and I’ve experience this all.
Slowly but surely, I’ve been speak my mind and not give a damn. A new me is coming!