Will I Lose Respect For My Mother? She Damaged My Self-Worth

Respect is a word that I’ve known since early childhood. I come from a strong matriarchal, Caribbean household, where children were seen as less than human. You got tossed around, verbally abused, and lived in utter fear if one of the adults woke up or came home in a bad mood. You had to obey, “love”, and be there for your superiors no matter how hurt and angry you were at them. I knew since I was four or five years old that the love and respect I saw parents give to their children on television shows could not be given to me, but I had high hopes that I would gain mutual respect in my teens or early adulthood. So I patiently waited to get what I deserved and in those years, there was a lot of mental and emotional damage. My family ruined my ability to stand up for myself when I get disrespected by peers. I can’t tell many people “No” because of fear. Psychologist Kelly Flanagan brought attention to what I go through today,

“When we can’t say “No,” 
we become a sponge for the feelings of everyone around us and we eventually become saturated by the needs of everyone else while our own hearts wilt and die,
we begin to live our lives according to the forceful should of others, rather than the whispered, passionate want of our own hearts,
we let everyone else tell us what story to live and we cease to be the author of our own lives,
we lose our voice—we lose the desire planted in our souls and the very unique way in which we might live out that desire in the world,
we get used by the world instead of being useful in the world,
we give in to the pressure of a friend and we drink and drive and we endanger lives,
we cave in to a persuasive boyfriend and we end up pregnant,
we get taken in by a sales pitch and we bury ourselves in oppressive debt,
we get abused by a boss and end up with long hours at work and a short fuse at home….”

Whenever I try to stand up to my mom, she always states, “I am your mother. Respect is due at all times.” No one in my family believe that the child deserves to express emotion or have respect. She gives me unnecessary attitude, insult me at times, and disrespects my privacy or feelings. She still has the ability to physically hurt me if I raise my voice or something. I wish I made enough money to live on my own, but I make chump change. Running away from a person like her seems to be the best answer. I can not grow as an individual if my long going issues can’t be settled.

Leave in the comment section your advice for me or your personal experiences!

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One response to “Will I Lose Respect For My Mother? She Damaged My Self-Worth

  1. I can relate to this. So many times I tell people that I don’t do this or that and they ask why and I just say because it’s respectful, with no real rhyme or reason. The whole “because mom said so”, I hate that and can completely see how it has rolled over into other parts of my life.

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